By:AW

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press @
http://members.aol.com/UnicrnPrs/press.htm

Disclaimer: You know it, I know it, I don’t own idea
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

11. The Return to Eden

Kathryn had arrived at her destination on Santos VI nearly a month ago. She had completely recovered from the birth, and had actually lost ten pounds on top. It felt good to be the old Kathryn Janeway again. Kathryn had needed to get away from everything. Needed to ‘get away’ or ‘run away’. She felt like her old self again, problem was time had passed and she wasn’t the same person she had been, and neither was anyone else. And she couldn’t hid from everyone forever.

I don’t need your sympathy
There’s nothing you can say or do for me
And I don’t want a miracle
You’ll never change for no one

I hear your reasons why
Where did you sleep last night?
And was it worth it was she worth it?

I had a miracle. Kearstin was my little miracle. Kearstin was my chance, and I let her slip away. I let her go out of fear, but I will go on…

‘Cos I’m strong enough
To live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I’m strong enough
To know you gotta go

You didn’t have to go. I forced you away. The lies, the half-truths. The fact that I kept your daughter from you. The fact that I ran out of fear, and out of
the need to hide my insecurities. I never know what I have, until I lose it, and then I realize it. Some day…

/\/\

Chakotay stayed on Betazed for another ten days. Then he headed for Earth, headed towards baby Kearstin’s christening. Funny even in today’s world, they still went through the motions; still held on to archaic ceremonies. He knew though, that B’Elanna being who she was, held these ceremonies in great regard, so he went. Besides he would get to see baby Kearstin. He recalled a conversation…

So Kathryn, have you ever thought about having children?

No it’s not in the cards for me. Captain and mother, just don’t work.

So…you’re willing to miss out on ever having children just because you’re ‘The Captain’?

We all make sacrifices in our lives Chakotay, I made them to get where I am today, and I will continue to make them as long as I have 140 lives dependent on me. It’s part of the job, and it is something I accepted long ago. I dealt with the pain, and I dealt with the darkness, and I dealt with the fact that it wasn’t in the cards for me.

But Kathryn…

End of story Chakotay.

/\/\

Chakotay felt the tears. Kathryn why’d you have to be so damned stubborn. Why wouldn’t you just give us a chance? He had tasted the forbidden fruit, and he wanted more. Despite the fact that she had left him, he would take her back in an instant if she’d let him. Why Kathryn?

I’m not strong enough…

/\/\

Kathryn could feel the pain. Something wasn’t right. But she couldn’t go back. She had made her decision. She had left her child, her other half and her career. She had nothing left but life itself. But I’m strong enough.

There’s no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I’m strong enough to know you gotta go

So you feel misunderstood
Baby, have I got news for you
On being used, I could write the book
You don’t want to hear about it

Kathryn walked away. She had run away from everything, but there was one thing she couldn’t escape. She couldn’t run away from herself, and her conscious. She was guilty of cowardice and it was something she would have to contend with until her daying day. Until…

/\/\

Chakotay thought about the flings that he had had since Kathryn had abandoned him. Had they meant anything? Yes he had had relationships, but nothing even close to Kathryn. He had only experienced love once in his lifetime, and he feared he would never experience it again. Kathryn Janeway was his one true love, she was his…

I’ve been losing sleep
You’ve been going cheap
She ain’t worth half of me it’s true
I’m telling you

You always told me Kathryn. You were always mine, my life, my world, my eyes to the universe…you were and still are my other half.

Now I’m strong enough

But I’m not, I need you.

Strong enough and I quit crying

I never stopped loving you, or stopped crying…you are my…

Long enough now I’m strong enough…
To know you’ve got to go

And you did, and now I know…I’m not…

Chakotay sat on the shuttle. He would soon be at B’Elanna’s house. He would soon see everything she had that he would never have. He would soon feel more alone than ever, emptier than ever, he would soon see…

/\/\

Kathryn enjoyed her time on Santos VI. It was so much like Earth and she decided she was going to live out her days here. At one time, space had been her one true home, the one place where she felt life and love deeply. Today, she felt nothing. This was not home anymore than space was, or Earth, she could be alone, in peace, in seclusion without anyone here to dispute her, to fight with her, to take away what was hers. Here…whatever she had, she kept and whatever she did, she did without the need for anyone’s approval or consent. Here she did not feel peace or love, but she felt something else, she had, unfortunately become accustomed to. She felt nothing, and that was better than the pain, the fear, the longing and the loneliness. She had been lonely all her life without her one true love and without the product of that
love.

She broke down and cried tears, cried a river for the child who would never know her true parentage and who would live the life of a lie. As her parents had before her, and if the cycle continued (as she dearly hoped it didn’t), as he daughter would as well.

Now I’m strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough, now I’m strong enough…
To know you’ve got to go

Come hell or waters high
You’ll never see me cry
This is our last goodbye, it’s true

I’m telling you
That I’m strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I’m strong enough
To know you’ve gotta go

There’s no more to say
So save your breath
And walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I’m strong enough to know you’ve gotta go (11)

I kept saying that to myself. I kept telling myself this was right, this was for the best, but I don’t know anymore. I can’t keep going like this. I am an
emotional creature by nature. This life without love or without really living is making me whither and die. Chakotay, what have I done? Why did I do this?

Because Kathryn, history is repeating itself, and you’re retracing your steps from all those years ago with Justin.

Kathryn cried for a long time, she would never forgive herself for what she had done now or in the past. She did not want to think about the children
that she had let go. She did not want to think about loves lost. All she wanted to do was get on with her life. The problem was there were so many parts
missing, and she needed to fill in the blanks before the missing threads tore her apart, and she was destroyed along with them.

/\/\

Chakotay felt the sorrow and the pain. He didn’t know why really…he was here to see B’Elanna and her children. This should be a happy time for him. He knocked on the door. B’Elanna answered and appeared with the baby leaning on her very pregnant belly. The baby couldn’t have been more than a few months old.

“Hello Chakotay. This is Kearstin.”

He looked at the child, the hair, and the eyes. There was something familiar about this child but what? “Can I hold her?”

“Sure, Chakotay.” She passed the child to Chakotay and the child awoke. She started screaming.

“Sorry, guess I’m not very good with children.”

B’Elanna saw the grief stricken and devastated look in his eyes. He had to know, he had to see this child was his. “She’s just hot. Hold on a second.” B’Elanna reached down and stripped the child down to her diaper then she held the baby close exposing the mark that branded her as Chakotay and Kathryn’s daughter. Please see the connection Chakotay.

Chakotay saw the mark on the child’s back and was about to ask B’Elanna what had happened to make one so young scarred like this. Then he looked closer and realized he recognized the symbols. It was a tattoo, and he knew who’s it was a replica of. He knew the two people who were the parents of this child. There was no other answer. He looked up to B’Elanna with anger
and fear and hurt.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

B’Elanna didn’t know…she just didn’t know, and had no answer for him. She passed the child to Chakotay, he looked into the depts. Of her eyes and knew, his suspicions were confirmed. Kathryn had been pregnant when they left Voyager. Kathryn had given birth to this child. Kathryn had abandoned the child, and for this he would never forgive her.

TBC in Date With Destiny II - Chapter 12: Questions and Answers

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